On feeling gross...

I feel so fat and disgusting today. The last two weeks have been dreadful for my weight loss – I have been busy and stressed and I’m an emotional eater at the best of times. I was too scared to go to my personal training session because I didn’t want to get in trouble for putting on weight so I cancelled it…which just makes things worse. I was trying to put an audiobook on my phone today to listen to at the gym and everything took so long that I have run out of time because we are on our way to my in-laws for Sunday dinner.

I just feel like a failure and really need to find a way to get past this. It’s times like these when I really screw myself over – I have been on this journey for a year now and I have fluctuated so much during that time – if I had lost 2 pounds a week which was my goal I could have lost over 100 pounds by now – I’d be at my goal weight and my PCOS might be under control and I could be pregnant right now…it is all my fault that I’m not L

Jumped the gun...

No AF - Sigh...

Success...maybe?

There is another M word other than Metformin and Myoinositol when it comes to my struggle with PCOS and that is one that names a certain drive through fast food establishment with a clown as its mascot. Today I am proud to say that for one of the first times ever I avoided the temptation to take the convenient route on my way to work when I was running late. I have often displayed the temptation to use this establishment as my breakfast rendezvous point rather than think about a healthier option - today I did that. Go me! Is all I have to say :-)

Thank you so much for all of your messages regarding the birth of my nephew. He is the most wonderful little thing and my amazing sister only went through 5 hrs of labour after being induced with no tearing or anything! I am so very proud of her - she has handled everything so well!

I don't know if it is the hormones from meeting him or if it is the Myoinositol beginning to make a difference but I feel the beginnings of AF arriving. That would make this my first actual AF since April and the shortest in a long time! Hopefully she rears her ugly head because for one of the first times ever I am really looking forward to seeing her because that would mean that things are starting to work properly again!

Minor meltdown averted?

I’m in a much better place this week. Last week I had what can only be described as a meltdown. I wasn’t myself and I was barely functioning on a daily basis. Dealing with what feels like hundreds of people around me who are pregnant right now has been overwhelming. I have known for several years now that I would struggle to get pregnant but I think that there was always this tiny part of me that felt like it would happen anyway and that despite everything I would be a lucky one.

I think I am starting to feel better about this though and beginning to come to terms with it. I have found it quite easy to take the myo-inositol this week – I find it notoriously hard to take any form of supplement and was worried that this would be the case this time as well. Luckily it hasn’t.

Here’s to this new mind set lasting a while longer J

On another note...I am super excited because my sister is having her baby today!! Can't wait to meet him!

Baking & Babies and ICLW

This one is a yummy one that I LOVE to follow. The blog is about infertility (alleyrose has been recently diagnosed with PCOS after trying to conceive for 20 months - I love her tag line ‘if only making a baby was as easy as making a cupcake’), weight loss and the recipes she bakes to help her deal and I’m sure because they are super yummy!.

Drop in and try some of them:

www.bakingandbabies.com

 

And...if you are here from ICLW welcome - I am enjoying exploring your blogs - must get onto commenting :-)

Silly busy and being neglectful!

I have been a bad blogger! Work has been really busy and I have just been so tired and blogging has been towards the back of my mind. I will try to make up for it over the next few weeks!

For now - my Myoinositol arrived in the mail today and I started taking it tonight. I am really hoping I see some improvement through it like so many other people with PCOS seem to have!

I'll keep you updated - talk soon xox

When impatience strikes

While I am playing this waiting game until January I often feel like I am not doing enough (i am not the worlds most patient person). I am trying to lose weight and I am trying to remember to take my Metformin and other supplements daily. But despite this I feel like I need something more to get me through the next few months. It is REALLY hard to just wait and not even TRY to get pregnant.

Part of this issue is my relationship with Metformin. I understand why I am being told to take it and I have even seen success when I take it well when it comes to dropping the pounds but…I hate it. The side effects are not nice. Whenever I eat something slightly dodgy I will (sorry for the TMI) end up in the bathroom for extended periods. The problem is that I never know exactly what foods will do it to me if I eat them by accident and at work I really don’t want to deal with these side effects. Even walking through the supermarket after upping my dose one Sunday it was everything I could do not to vomit everywhere. The RE has recommended taking 250mg at breakfast, lunch and dinner (3 times daily) - and then upping this to 500mg 3 times per day for a total of 1500mg when I can handle it. I am trying to do this but every time I get close to upping it I forget to take it and need to start all over again.

Enter research on something I have seen talked about on various forums and blogs – Myoinositol. It does not seem to be readily available in Australia, and my GP had no idea what I was talking about when I asked her, but it does seem to be becoming the new M word in PCOS either to replace Metformin or to be taken with it. So, in the spirit of feeling like I am doing something proactive I have ordered some online and I am going to see how I react (I’ll discuss this with my doctors – don’t worry) – but if I can find something that helps me continue to lose weight and can possibly help me start ovulating and having a semi regular cycle then I’m all for giving it a go.

What do you think? Stupid idea or worth a try?

Thank you & (In)Fertility unexplained

Thanks for all the lovely comments to my last post - it is really nice to have the support especially when I have been so crazy busy this week and feeling really down.

I have been playing with blogger - being new to this and all - and have made a few changes to layout e.t.c I got married in the winter and it was definitely the best, most amazing day of my life and some days memories of it and the love of my husband are what keeps me going, hence the snowy backdrop.

Continuing with my favourite blogs series...

I am definitely late to the party with this blog. (In)Fertility unexplained has been around since early December 2011 but I only discovered it after Sass had successfully become pregnant after her 2^nd IVF. She is always honest and is also very caring about others in the blogging community that I am only just beginning to discover.

Check her out at: http://fertilityunexplained.blogspot.com.au/

On feeling down and wanting to give up!

Despite the fact that I have been having some success with my weight loss I feel like it is a never ending battle that I won’t ever be able to overcome. The amount of weight I have to lose just to have a chance at conceiving is astronomical and there are days when I just feel like chucking in the towel and giving up now – that is when the food spiral begins.

I’ll have a moment and eat whatever I want, consuming hundreds of calories at which point I feel so guilty that I end up doing it again! I pull myself out of it eventually but by then I have already undone so much hard work packing on up to 5 pounds. This last week has been really good – I have lost 2.5 pounds but I am coming out of a spiral that lasted probably a month. I had gone back up to 238 pounds from 231 pounds and was feeling like the biggest failure. This week I felt SO MUCH better and then I looked in the mirror today and came crashing back down again. I hate what I see there – I don’t feel the way I look! I don’t feel like an obese person, so when I see that in the mirror and the doctors tell me I can’t even try to have a baby yet it is so very disheartening.

It is a very good thing I see my personal trainer tomorrow. I know for a fact that if I just give up tonight he will figuratively kill me tomorrow. I just have to stick with it and see the positive side of things. In three weeks I have lost 7 pounds and that is not a number to sneeze at!

Please, Get in My Belly

To continue my “favourite infertility blogs” series I am going to stay on the PCOS infertility blogs bandwagon.

I want to feature Please, Get in My Belly. This blogger is only new like myself and has been catching up with posts about her journey thus far. The author describes themselves as “Just another infertile myrtle” and I love her style. Her blog has a 1950’s feel to it with great images and post titles. She has recently written about successfully becoming pregnant and her subsequent miscarriage and I wish her all the luck in the world as she continues her journey xox

Check her out at: http://pleasegetinmybelly.wordpress.com/