On feeling down and wanting to give up!

Despite the fact that I have been having some success with my weight loss I feel like it is a never ending battle that I won’t ever be able to overcome. The amount of weight I have to lose just to have a chance at conceiving is astronomical and there are days when I just feel like chucking in the towel and giving up now – that is when the food spiral begins.

I’ll have a moment and eat whatever I want, consuming hundreds of calories at which point I feel so guilty that I end up doing it again! I pull myself out of it eventually but by then I have already undone so much hard work packing on up to 5 pounds. This last week has been really good – I have lost 2.5 pounds but I am coming out of a spiral that lasted probably a month. I had gone back up to 238 pounds from 231 pounds and was feeling like the biggest failure. This week I felt SO MUCH better and then I looked in the mirror today and came crashing back down again. I hate what I see there – I don’t feel the way I look! I don’t feel like an obese person, so when I see that in the mirror and the doctors tell me I can’t even try to have a baby yet it is so very disheartening.

It is a very good thing I see my personal trainer tomorrow. I know for a fact that if I just give up tonight he will figuratively kill me tomorrow. I just have to stick with it and see the positive side of things. In three weeks I have lost 7 pounds and that is not a number to sneeze at!